YES!!! The "I'm so happy" thread. 2009

[art600]

As Maggi mentioned on another thread, Socieities tend to have older membership these days.  I think this might make people smile.

New Alphabet
 
New Alphabet
A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

   
Now
The  Alphabet:
 
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains,
Perhaps car-d-iac?
 
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
 
H  High blood pressure--I'd rather it low
I  for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
 
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
Just give me a pill, I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

 
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus, bells in my ears!
U is for urinary, troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy', you know.
 
W for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for x-ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind.

 
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
And I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!
 
 HAVE A GREAT DAY!

   

[ranunculus]

I enjoyed that so much, Art ... I must show it to Mrs B. (if I can remember where I put her)?   

[Ragged Robin]

Really amusing Art - makes me happy to think that I haven't used up every letter of the alphabet yet 

[angie]

Art, did make me smile I wonder who thinks all these things up.

Angie

[Paddy Tobin]

AGE

by: Anacreon (c.572-488 BC)

OFT am I by the women told,
"Poor Anacreon! thou growest old;
Look; how thy hairs are falling all;
Poor Anacreon, how they fall!"--
Whether I grow old or no,
By the effects I do not know;
But this I know, without being told,
'Tis time to live, if i grow old;
'Tis time short pleasures now to take,
Of little life the best to make,
And manage wisely the last stake.
 
TRANSLATED BY ABRAHAM COWLEY (1618-1667)



OLD AGE

by: Anne Bradstreet (c.1612-1672)

MY memory is short, and braine is dry.
My Almond-tree (gray haires) doth flourish now,
And back, once straight, begins apace to bow.
My grinders now are few, my sight doth faile
My skin is wrinkled, and my cheeks are pale.
No more rejoyce, at musickes pleasant noyse.

[Paddy Tobin]

Just a Wonder

A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze.
The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know...
Is what tells each one where to go!


Prayer for Senility:

God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.




Personally, I think the words of Grandpa Simpson sum it us best for me: "When I was young I was full of piss and vinegar. Now, I'm just full of piss."

Paddy

[David Nicholson]

 

Personally, since it's all alleged to be downhill from now on, I propose to age in descending order and hopeto become the oldest looking 21 year old ever

[art600]

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses
 
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
 
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
 
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
 
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

 

[art600]

9 Things I Hate About Everyone



1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the T.V... remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their arses!

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid £10 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?


7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

[art600]

Hymn #365

This is a hoot, but I suspect the minister didn't appreciate it.

A minister was completing a temperance sermon.. With great emphasis he said,'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river..'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'

Smile, life is too short not to !
If this brightened your day
Don't let it stop here
Pass it on with a smile
Keep spreading the Cheer. 

See you at the river

[Lesley Cox]

David, if, as you de-age, your knees, back and memory show signs of improvement, please let me know and quickly. I'll start the same process.

[David Nicholson]

David, if, as you de-age, your knees, back and memory show signs of improvement, please let me know and quickly. I'll start the same process.

No marked improvement yet Lesley but then I'm only a couple of days younger

[Maggi Young]

YESSSSSSS! I'm SOOOO HAPPY!!!

 Forum Friends!  Great News!
 Registered Active Members of the Forum now number 1000 !  

This is a happy event for the Forum, which goes from strength to strength with your enthusiasm and participation. Well done!

The Forum's One Thousandth Member is "cycnich",  who, when I find out more details, will be in receipt of a Forum T-Shirt as a memento of this fun milestone  
I have made an "official announcement in the Admin Section,
 http://www.srgc.org.uk/smf/index.php?topic=4538.msg122059#new
 but I didn't feel I could  use this  in that section, to express my delight........

                            


so I contained myself, and used this instead..... but I'll put three  here, one each for Fred, Ian and I !

                          

[art600]

I could let you know who my friend is ...

[Maggi Young]

I could let you know who my friend is ...

 Art, cough it up, Lad!