YES!!! The "I'm so happy" thread. 2009

[Hristo]

Yes indeed now any cafe with a hotspot can be the centre of ones operations, ideal in the winter as there is always someone on hand to bring a cup of hot chocolate etc etc. Maybe they would let me set up my camera there and I could photograph seeds for the seed project...?

[Maggi Young]

Chris, if the BBC were not so lacking in imagination, I'd suggest that, and following you for a documentary!

[David Nicholson]

Chris, you be careful with all that technology

[Maggi Young]

Chris, you be careful with all that technology

Oh!?? It's technology ?  I thought it was the latest mutation of bird flu.......

[Hristo]

Oh dear, Maggi that really would be reality television gone too far, an hour of me two finger typing  and forgeting to put the SD card back in my camera after I've downloaded the pics! Surely Aunty BEEB hasn't become that boring since I left the UK?

David, currently the white heat of technology is an appreciated addition to the wood stove in the kitchen !

[David Nicholson]

 

[art600]

 JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to  Jerusalem . A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
~~~~~ 
 Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ' Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
 
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You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh. I thought you would enjoy this.....times are tough right now...for all of us...so we need something to make the day a happy place.
 
"They" haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet.

[PDJ]

Recently I had an interesting gardening question from an elderly relative.  "I thought I would give you a ring as you're interested in gardening.  I've got a plant in the garden with blue flowers and green leaves can you let me know what it is?"  Unfortunately they live too far away to have gone and seen it so another mystery unless any member can identify it!

[ranunculus]

Recently I had an interesting gardening question from an elderly relative.  "I thought I would give you a ring as you're interested in gardening.  I've got a plant in the garden with blue flowers and green leaves can you let me know what it is?"  Unfortunately they live too far away to have gone and seen it so another mystery unless any member can identify it!

If it really was an elderly relative then it would probably be a Forget-me-not?   

[fermi de Sousa]

Recently I had an interesting gardening question from an elderly relative.  "I thought I would give you a ring as you're interested in gardening.  I've got a plant in the garden with blue flowers and green leaves can you let me know what it is?"  Unfortunately they live too far away to have gone and seen it so another mystery unless any member can identify it!

If it really was an elderly relative then it would probably be a Forget-me-not?   

If a male relative it could be a Gent-ian!
cheers
fermi

[Anthony Darby]

Arther. Your first joke has a different answer from the one I heard: "all kitchen appliances come in white".

[gote]

"They" haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet.

Please do not tell "THEM" It is because they did not yet try.

Göte

[Lesley Cox]

"They" haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet.

Please do not tell "THEM" It is because they did not yet try.

Göte

"They" are working on it though.

[art600]

IDIOT SIGHTING #1

 My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the girl a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a Twenty pence piece.  She said, 'you gave me too much money.'  I said, 'Yes I know, but that way you can just give me a pound back. 'She was puzzled and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.'
The girl then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change!
                                                                            Do not confuse the staff at MacDonald’s.

 
IDIOT SIGHTING #2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Madam, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, "NOOO, it's not.  Four is larger than two."
We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park, Nr Watford UK

IDIOT SIGHTING #3

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local town council office to request the removal of the "DEER CROSSING" sign on our road. She said the reason was: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
Story from Potters Bar, Herts, UK


IDIOT SIGHTING #4

My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From South Oxhey.  Herts. , UK


IDIOT SIGHTING #5
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an Irish airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge”? To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened Luton Airport ... UK


IDIOT SIGHTING #6
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a Local County Councillor employee in Harrow, Middlesex, UK

IDIOT SIGHTING #7
When my husband and I arrived at Our Local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I have already done that side.'
This was at Ford dealership in St Albans, Hertfordshire UK.

IDIOT SIGHTING #8
A coach party were out for the day, stopped of at a refreshment halt in Hertfordshire and queued up for tea and coffee. One group asked for "Six decaffeinated please”, to which the girl replied: “Sorry, we only do coffee!”
Story from Luton Probus.

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us, and the scary part is that they have the RIGHT TO VOTE!

 

[PDJ]

Thank you for the Idiot Sightings but I am afraid this is now the way of the world.  Since we joined the nanny state where schools are told to avoid competitive activities and teachers, police etc can't give a kid a clip-round-the-ear it will only get worse.