Scottish Rock Garden Club Forum
General Subjects => General Forum => Topic started by: bulborum on April 13, 2011, 03:06:09 PM
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maybe the wrong place
but I couldn't find a better place
God On Lawn Care
GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,
violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect
no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,
withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of
songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But, all
I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's
sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that
grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it
green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any
other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.
And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
them a lot of work
ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing
so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they
can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves
in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the
autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep
moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural
cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.
As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay
to have them hauled away.
GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which
they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of
the leaves.
GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this any more. St. Catherine,
you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....
GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
Roland
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Yes, Roland... that does seem VERY true!
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That is just BRILLIANT! :)
First thing we did when we moved in was dig up the lawns & plant flowers. The neighbours thought we were mad, but it isn't us that is out there with a lawnmower for hours every week ;)
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;D ;D ;D
That's a cracker, thanks Roland.
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That is just BRILLIANT! :)
First thing we did when we moved in was dig up the lawns & plant flowers. The neighbours thought we were mad, but it isn't us that is out there with a lawnmower for hours every week ;)
I did get rid of a lot of lawn in favour of flowers - there are consequences however. Mowing can take hours, but weeding can take forever.
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I lifted the last of our grass after my spaniel Max died....I've been a lady of leisure ever since.
Cutting the grass, timming the edges, particularly all around the paving slabs set into the lawn, took hours of work every few days for most of the year, often on my knees to cut the edges perfectly by hand.
Occasionally I would strim the edges for a quicker result but I didn't like that effect so much.... I was a slave to that blasted grass...and it was the most boring plant in the garden!
People kept saying to us that we needed grass paths at least to "set off" the rest of the garden but I can honestly say we have never once thought it was the wrong decision to get rid of the grass. In a garden the size of ours, ( whole plot of land, including the house, is about 2/3 of an acre) and with so many plant obsessions, we have never missed the lawn!
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I have just witnessed the council busy cutting the bluebells on the village green, they do it every year. The only ones that survive are the ones directly next to the trees they usually manage to flower before the strimmers are out. They were also out on the motorway cutting the verges, the grass has hardy turned green yet. So much for the country being bankrupt.
You couldn't get a truer verse than that Roland.
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GOD will be happy here
when he sees our 4 hectare
I cut the grass once a year
loads of flowers
even wild orchids are coming back
This remembers me
when we bought the house
11 years ago
we called it our future PARADISE
and yes
on some places it's a wilderness
but wild boar and small deer lives there
bluebells start flowering in the valley
Me and my wife are happy without a lawnmower
Roland
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great conversation
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I don't have a lawn and I haven't owned a lawnmower in 20 years. No room for grass here. ;D ;D ;D
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I'm sure there are lawn enthusiasts there who would regard my tendency to heedlessly get hold of sundry plants from far off places and subject them to various artificial inducements (special composts, lighting regimes, frost protection, shading, etc etc not to mention the expense) in an often doomed attempt to persuade them to actually grow, as utterly ridiculous.... viewed in that way, most gardening is completely daft but then I am daft so what the hell. I gave my lawn to my neighbour, who was very pleased ....
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We gradually destroyed our lawns during the first ten years in the garden. No more grass, no more mowing!
Obtusely, since I retired, I now mow the grass of two neighbours!!!! One an elderly lady and the other as 'rent' for the 'allotment' we have at the end of his garden. No room for vegetables either, in our own garden.